Suck it, 2014
Missed a whole year? Hell no I did not.
Who cares
Since I haven’t updated the old front page in three years, I’ve decided it’s time to retire it. From now on, this is the new front page of perfectlydarien.com.
I mean, I didn’t delete any of the old stuff. It’s right here if you ever want it. It’s just not the first thing new visitors will see anymore.
Remember this?
Hey gang, I’ve written a new chapter of my long-neglected story. You can get to it by following that link, in case you don’t know how the internets work.
State of the Wood
I haven’t been around so much lately, as I expect you’ve noticed. Yes, there is a reason, and, no, that reason is not that I’m a lazy half-wit. Actually, I’ve suffered a severe bout of crippling hand injury, and typing with just my off-hand blows. So I’ve not been doing that.
But how did I get hurt, you ask? I mean, I’m eleven feet tall and made entirely of rock music and sex, so clearly it was something serious. Well, as a matter of fact, I got hurt while I was saving your life. In the future.
Here’s how it went down. My robot sidekick and I were hunting General Gus for… reasons that aren’t very clear to me in hindsight, but which will be very important in the year 20XX. We finally caught up with him in the big power plant factory room in your apartment (all apartments have those in the future) just after he had killed your husband and/or wife and was about to kill you too. Then he turned big and pink for some strange reason, and I had to bionic-punch the shit out of him. Like, a lot. I had to punch the fucker for almost a minute before he finally exploded! Here’s a futuristic local news station’s footage of the climactic battle.
All that punching takes its toll on even my robotic tendons, forged though they are from the very thunderbolts of mighty Zeus. So the end result is they’re a bit knackered, and playing so much goddamn Dawn of War 2: Retribution didn’t help matters any. So my left hand is currently out for maintenance is what I’m saying, and typing’s a bitch. And also you owe me.
No, seriously, you do. So pay up, Mr. I-Don’t-Believe-The-Future-Even-Though-I’m-Not-From-The-Future-Like-Some-People-Are. Oh, and, uh, sorry about your apartment.
We’re really doing this?
Once again, I’m taking that bold leap into a few years ago: you can now follow me on the Twitter if I ever decide to twit anything. Sometimes I get real bored and sign up for this Web 2.0 or Web 3.11 or Web for Workgroups or whatever nonsense, which also explains why I have a Foursquare account. Let’s see if I use this one a little bit more.
What up
Hey, haven’t been around much lately, have I? Sorry about that. It’s been a hell of a week, what with the work and all. Haven’t had as much time to write as I’d have liked.
As regards the epic story, updates are going to be sporadic probably until the World Series is over (since I’m spending a lot of my free time on baseball right now), after which I’ll settle back in to two updates per week, though the days may change. Or they may not. It’s a scary mystery adventure!
As regards the promised baseball awards articles, I’ll get to ’em in a few days, once things have settled down a bit. But if I can make a quick observation here: it’s funny to me that my predicted World Series teams were both swept in the LDS.
Back in the saddle
My busy-week hiatus has concluded, and ye olde storye has a new chapter. Just thought I’d call attention to this for the benefit of everybody who figured that when I took one week off that really meant I’d never get back to it. Which is everybody.
Lame cop-out
Sorry, gang, but there’s going to be a one-week delay on the next chapter of my story. I’m too busy this week to dig up the time, but check in next Saturday and it’ll be there. In the interim, you can catch up on older material you may have missed; turns out there are 39k words of this stuff already. Who knew?
Department of Corrections
In re: this post. I’m sorry, did I say the Angels would win the AL West? Apparently I meant the Oakland Athletics, since I failed to realise quite how terrible the Angels really are. Tee hee.
More self-ingulgent cross-promotion
Hey, so, that story of mine? Totally updated. You should read that.
I’ve decided that, from now on, I’ll be publishing new chapters twice a week (which is what I’ve been doing anyhow, but now it’s official); short chapters on Thursdays, long chapters on Saturdays. So we’ll see if I can hold to that update schedule.
I know. Shut up.
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This site supports killing Hitler if you ever find yourself traveling back in time to when Hitler wasn’t already dead.
