Remember Bernie Madoff? Well, apparently, the Mets are getting sued, and it’s all his fault. Oh the Mets. You make everything funnier!
Now, dig me. My understanding is that the Mets didn’t defraud anybody here, unless you count the people who believed they were a baseball team and not some type of postmodern comedy troupe. The Mets invested with Madoff just like everybody else. Apparently the crime they committed that they’re being sued for is… making money on their investment. So a bunch of assholes who lost money are apparently trying to get the government to club dollars out of the Mets.
I want in on this.
January 28th, 2011
Posted by
Darien |
Baseball, Bullshit |
no comments
I don’t really have an article to go along with that lede. I only hope I can be as rational and intelligent under extreme duress as he is.
January 11th, 2011
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
A squeeze play requires timing between the pitcher and the catcher, and the same is true of prostate cancer surgery.
Prostate cancer surgery apparently requires some personnel I wouldn’t expect. Otherwise: fuck the heck?
October 21st, 2010
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
Now you can lease-to-own a solar system for no money down and just $140/month!
It’s not just sportscasters.
October 21st, 2010
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
This stamp-like logo comes to you courtesy of the United States Postal Service, which apparently has decided that the S in "USPS" stands for "Superman." Which S, you ask? Probably both of them.
True story: I found that ridiculous thing printed on some scare-mail spam brochure the USPS spent my money printing and distributing. I think it’s about how all those people sending mail are dangerous terrorists, but never fear! The USPS is run by the Justice Friends.
I also made this version, which I expect the Bizarro USPS will be distributing next week:
I paid for it. I’ll do whatever I want with the goddamn thing.
October 16th, 2010
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
Holy shit, I just realised this stupid blog’s been running for three years. Who know somebody so useless could have this much pointless drivel to say?
September 25th, 2010
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
Apparently the UK press considers its readership to be so stupid that they need to be informed explicitly that they can’t trust robots. Did all these people miss every story, novel, movie, TV show, and especially video game about robots?
I especially like how they talk about how awesome it would be to have deceptive robots that could be used for military applications, as long as nobody makes anything dangerous, like robots that hunt and gamble. Because I guess being murdered by military robots is less dangeriffic than losing to a civilian robot at poker.
September 14th, 2010
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
So I see on ye olde Wikipediae that one of the reasons the Patterson-Gimlin Film absolutely positively shows a real live Bigfoot and don’t you forget it is because of the ratio between the breadth of the creature’s shoulders and its height. Somehow — and I’m sure I’ve missed a step in here — they’ve been able to determine that Sasquatch’s shoulders are 28.2″ across after adjusting for his hair, and that he’s 78″ tall. Yeah, they’re claiming that level of precision in their analysis of this footage, which reminds me: I’ve uncovered incontrovertible proof that Rick Moranis and a dog are ridiculously fucking huge, since I guess this passes for science these days.
Anyhow, the point is that Bigfoot’s shoulder breadth is 35.1% of his full standing height, which it is utterly impossible to believe any human could attain. Okay, then. That’s proof of Bigfoot, I guess.
Here’s a fun fact: my shoulders are 24″ across (I checked). I am 65″ tall. That gives me a shoulder-to-height ratio of 36.9%. Ergo, here’s an important update to your Bigfoot theory, kids: not only is Bigfoot real and proven, I personally happen to be Bigfoot. Apparently. Actually, I think this means I’m 1.8% more Bigfoot-y than your average Bigfoot, so really I’m like some type of Bigfoot superhero, like an indestructible flaming Bigfoot with chains.
September 8th, 2010
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
Ever wake up and find yourself agreeing with Glenn Beck? That’s happened to me:
O’REILLY: Do you believe — do you believe that gay marriage is a threat to the country in any way?
BECK: A threat to the country?
O’REILLY: Yeah, it going to harm the country?
BECK: No, I don’t. Will the gays come and get us?
Not only do I agree with Beck, I also approve of the quality of the zing. Though it’s worth noting that Dave and Stephen have been trying to get me for years, and, if they could get married, who knows what might happen.
Some days you agree with Glenn Beck, and then some days you agree with Glenn Beck:
BECK: I believe — I believe what Thomas Jefferson said. If it neither breaks my leg nor picks my pocket, what difference is it to me?
Holy shit, Glenn. You’ve been talking to the Judge again, haven’t you?
The whole article I’m quoting is here, but that’s the gist of it. The only other thing I have to say that’s worth mentioning on a blog about words and swear words is that apparently I’m the only analyst anywhere on the internet who has the stones to point out that the graph of the acceptance of gay marriage in America:
looks like a penis.
Thank you, and good night.
August 13th, 2010
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
one comment
