The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

Best Villains Ever #5

Ganon
Ganon (The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker)

When you’re a Zelda game, all roads lead to Ganon. No matter what the game’s on about, no matter how hard it tries to pretend otherwise, sooner or later it ends up Ganon. So what I’m saying is that it ends up pretty predictable who the villain’s going to be. It’s also rather predictable what his plan is: he’s going to get the Triforce and then make some wishes and probably take over the world. Honestly, it’s hard to play a villain for serious drama in the tenth Zelda game when he’s the exact same villain with the exact same plan that’s been in the other nine Zelda games, and even moreso when he doesn’t really have any character to speak of. Oh, hoo har, he’s an evil one, he is. But that’s really all the character we ever get to see.

Enter The Wind Waker. This game was almost universally reviled by Zelda fans, which is because people are morons. Don’t get me wrong; it certainly had its faults, but Wind Waker was like a breath of fresh air for a series that was growing stale, both in gameplay and in art design. Especially, however, it gave us a fresh take on an old villain. Ganon really shines this time around; he gets a bitchin’ new look that makes him look a lot more like the evil warlock he supposedly is than like Judd Hirsch’s evil twin brother, he gets good dialogue that really fleshes out his character, and by the end of the game we really almost feel sorry for the guy, even though we know he’s the same old evil Ganon he’s always been. He even has lines that indicates that he really doesn’t want to hurt Link and Zelda; they have something he needs, and he does intend to get it, but he’s perfectly content to do them as little harm as possible. Here’s a video of the scene in question. Major spoilers involved, and I apologise for the minute-long bullshit epeen titles and the several moments of idiot commentary, but it was the best clip I could find. This is Ganon how he should be done. You see that moment when the rain starts? Chilling.


April 22nd, 2008 Posted by | Best Villains Ever | no comments

Best Villains Ever #6

The Great Mighty Poo
The Great Mighty Poo (Conker’s Bad Fur Day)

Conker’s Bad Fur Day is full of great, surreal moments, and probably the surrealest of them all is when you fight your way past the scouse dung beetles into the giant dung heap and you see this hopping boggly-eyed piece of corn. "Hey! Sweet corn!" Conker yells, and then you run around in the dung heap throwing all the corn into the center. Once you’ve done it all, this giant, brown… thing bursts up out of the river of dung and announces his presence: lo, for it is the Great Mighty Poo. As surreal as that is, it’s completely trumped a few seconds later when the dialogue scene pauses while the background music vamps a bit and it slowly dawns on you that he’s going to sing.

And sing he does. It’s a truly intense experience; the fight revolves around it, as the Poo sings a verse, and then vamps for a while while Conker runs around grabbing rolls of toilet paper and throwing them into his mouth until he breaks down and gets flushed away. I mean, it’s not exactly shining gameplay; Conker wasn’t known for its gameplay. It’s basically cutscenes punctuated by minigames, and that’s the case here as well. But it’s really odd and funny, and, hey, sweary. Can’t ask for more than that!


April 22nd, 2008 Posted by | Best Villains Ever | no comments