Check out this band poster I found at work today:
(Click for a larger version)Has there ever been a more perfect name for a teenage metal band than "Flaming Dragons of Middle Earth?" I don’t think there has. I mean, it’s so perfect a name that I’m willing to bet money that they’re a teenage metal band and I quite literally don’t know anything about them other than what’s on this poster. Though, hey kids, "Mudfest" isn’t a very good name for a metal band’s revue. That almost makes it sound like you’re a punk band, or something even lamer than punk, like grunge. And besides, why would you call it "Mudfest" when your name lends itself so well to much metal-er names like "Dragonfest," or "Bonefest," or maybe even "The One Concert."
Maybe they’re just being kind since it appears their other bands aren’t metal enough for a concert like that. "We Are The Seahorse" and "Radioactive Prostitute" are extremely teenage names, but are not very metal; if I had to guess, I’d say they’re probably They Might Be Giants or Dinosaur Jr.-like indie nerd pop. O.F.C. and Bank$hot are probably thugs 4 life, and, bearing in mind that this is Turerns Turners Falls, they’re almost definitely middle-class white teenage thugs 4 life, keepin’ it mad real, yo. Zebu is far too bland a name for me to have any idea about, so I’m going to take a wild guess and say they sound like a bunch of kids ripping off Oasis ripping off the Steve Miller Band. And that’s terrible.
I cannot tell you what all the clip doodle art is supposed to be. I can recognise the Anarchy symbol, and no doubt they’re using "In God We Trust" in a wicked pissah bitchin’ ironic fashion to indicate how much they, like, totally don’t trust in that fucking rat. The peace sign they’re using by rote because it’s Western Massachusetts and you get fined if you don’t oppose everything the Bush administration does and especially the war a certain number of times per day. I don’t know why there’s a smiley and a frowny right next to each other — perhaps they’re supposed to evoke drama masks. Everything else is completely inexplicable to me — perhaps the grid-with-a-circle-with-a-plus-in-the-middle-in-the-middle is the universal sign of Middle-Earth. I don’t really know.
I do have to say that if there’s anything more bitchin’ than a metal show that ends at 9 p.m., I don’t know what it is. And with the charge of three dollars or maybe five dollars, that just screams "yeah, the show was gonna ROCK N ROLL ALL NITE, but my dickhead dad says I need to be home by ten. And Bobby only has three dollars, but we’re hoping everybody else would pay us more. Hey, does the dollar sign go before or after the number? Who cares; this isn’t math class."
October 18th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
4 comments
The Mother 3 fan translation is done. I haven’t had a chance to play around with it yet, but I wanted to post to spread the word around a bit. If you’re keen to check it out, just remember that you’ll need a copy of the Mother 3 ROM (which neither I nor they will provide or link to for legal reasons, but which isn’t hard to locate via Google for anyone of the Captain Hook persuasion).
October 17th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Games |
no comments
I had it explained to me once again today that people’s opinions can’t be wrong. The rationale behind this patently absurd claim was that saying that opinions can be wrong is like saying feelings can be wrong, and we all know they can’t, so, you know, there you are.
Your feelings and opinions not only can be wrong, they are in fact wrong very frequently. The whole reason we have things like science and law is exactly because feelings and opinions are wrong so often. We created science so we could have a method of arriving at actual, demonstrable truths and real knowledge without having to rely so heavily on opinions and feelings. And we created law so we can treat people fairly and justly without having so heavily on opinions and feelings. These systems exist because when we govern strictly according to feelings that invariably results in repression of unpopular ideas — hilariously, opinions and feelings that those in power have decided are wrong. And when we try to discover anything about the world around us based on feelings, we end up with dumb shit like Feng Shui and Aromatherapy.
Seriously, people, get over yourselves. Stop hiding behind this "I can’t be wrong" bullshit and just man up for five minutes.
The punchline, of course, was that this was in the context of "people’s opinions can’t be wrong… except if they support John McCain."
October 16th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
Remember these Bigfoot guys who later, to everyone’s amazement, turned out to be frauds? Well, they’re back, only this time, instead of just finding Bigfoot, they have him for sale on eBay. I guess you can’t keep a good scam down!
Also note how that article says they "suckered the world" with their photos of a cheap Bigfoot suit. Which world was that? This one knew what was going on the whole time.
October 16th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
2 comments
It came to my attention last night that the version of The Witcher I played was the censored version — that is, in fact, all you can get in the United States. Apparently the original version contains actual proper nudity instead of just suggestions thereof. Now, I’m not (as I mentioned before) a snickering fourteen-year-old who will go to great lengths to see naked women. I’m an adult, and, though I do enjoy looking at naked women, it’s not a giant deal for me.
I am, however, an adult who is severely annoyed by censorship. So I installed a mod to uncensor it. And you know what? It’s not a big deal. Bruxas and dryads and things don’t have magical hair that always covers their breasts and crotches no matter how their heads move anymore. The cards now show more flesh than they used to. It’s not even that the censorship was done badly — they didn’t just slap a mosaic over the naughty bits and call it a day, they actually put some work into it. It just annoys me that it’s there at all.
I know, I know. Won’t somebody think of the children? Sure, no doubt somebody will, but it won’t be me. I’m busy thinking about how I’m too old to have the parents or legal guardians at the ESRB telling game developers to make sure they take the tits out before they release — oh, but that scene where the angry mob comes to burn Geralt to death for blasphemy and he has to slaughter an entire village in nasty ways? That’s cool. Leave that in. But absolutely no tits!
Besides, isn’t this game rated M anyhow? Steam says it is. Doesn’t that mean, you know, children already aren’t allowed to see it? So shouldn’t we be able to put the tits in there, since the children can’t look regardless? I know I’m just being difficult, but I’m pretty sure it’s not really necessary to ban them even harder like that.
Follow the jump for an example of a sex card in censored and uncensored versions. I hid it after a jump so those of you browsing from work won’t get in trouble. You know, those of you browsing from work who aren’t the sysadmin anyhow.
Read the rest of this entry »
October 12th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Games |
no comments
It seems like it was only yesterday when I discovered that Poland has a game development scene. And now what happens? I discover that Poland also has literature
. No points for guessing how I figured it out.
So I read that yesterday, and you know what? Even in translation, it’s surprisingly good. It’s not exactly a novel so much as it is a collection of short stories about the same character — Geralt of Rivia. We follow him around as he has grand adventures, slays monsters, makes friends and enemies, and philosophises. The short stories I think are an excellent way to present a fantasy adventure, since it doesn’t at any point get bogged down with the weight of an epic or filled out with fluff to try to bring it up to twenty thousand words. Each individual story is neat and self-contained, though not isolated; later stories do make reference to earlier ones, and characters other than Geralt appear multiple times. The stories are suspenseful, action-packed, and charming, and are filled with excellent moments and bits of humour that play well even through translation, and there are surprisingly few (though some) passages where you’re left thinking "… that must have read better in Polish."
If you’ve played the video game, you’ll recognise a lot of people and places, and you’ll read the stories behind some of the events alluded to in the game (though it’s worth noting that the game is not just a videogamelisation of anything in this book — to my knowledge, it’s original), and you’ll occasionally run across a passage of dialogue that was ripped wholesale and inserted into the game. What’s also notable is what you won’t find — many of the characters in the game were apparently introduced in the later books (of which number I’m given to understand there are between "some" and "more than that"), and to my knowledge this is the only one currently available in English.
If you like fantasy, I’d suggest giving it a go — it’s seven bucks, which ain’t a lot, and I haven’t run across as readable and enjoyable a fantasy novel in quite some time.
October 10th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit, Games |
no comments
Access to perfectlydarien.com and all sub-services — such as this blog — may become screwy in the future, since I’ve volunteered to be a crazy test subject in my web provider’s crazy upgrade scheme. Stuff may break, and there’s quite literally no knowing when that may happen. So bear with us.
Why did I sign up for something this crazy? Because I got a free upgrade to unlimited disk space and bandwidth, and that seemed like a pretty good deal given that I was already using 0.3% of my disk and 0.1% of my bandwidth allotment. In truth, though, everybody’s going to be upgraded via crazy scheme sooner or later, so I figured I may as well scam some upgrades out of the deal.
Meanwhile, if you like the sound of unlimited disk and bandwidth, you can get a piece of that action at various prices from $5 up to $11/month (depending on how many months you want to pay for at a time) by clicking here. And then I’ll also get a piece of your action, since you better believe that’s a paid referral link.
October 8th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Meta-meta |
no comments
Consider the following quote:
"Only a grand plan, pursued without hesitation, can save humanity from from what I saw in my visions!"
Now, who said that? Was it:
a) Barack Obama
b) John McCain
c) Sarah Palin
d) Joe McCarthy 2000 Biden
e) All of the above
Pencils up! Actually, the bad guy in The Witcher said that. But you have to admit, it’s a bit hard to tell.
In other Witcher-related news, said bad guy is petard-hoist and I’ve reviewed it over here for your review-reviewing pleasure.
October 8th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit, Games |
no comments
If you’re Turkish, I advise that you get a friend from outside the country to e-mail you further pd.com updates, since we’re going to be banned over there rather soon, odds are. Why, you ask? For linking to this hilarious article about the shoddy work and stupidity of a leading Islamic Creationist. Now, I have nothing against creationism apart from that it’s completely wrong and bogus and false, and I have nothing against Muslims except for that bit where they flew planes into our buildings and shit. But this guy? Yeah, I have something against him.
Namely that he’s an asshole. So go read that article; I promise it’s hilarious.
October 6th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Bullshit |
no comments
Well gang, that blew. With tonight’s miserable performance, the Cubs have now been booted out of the playoffs once again without a single victory. This time, it wasn’t so much that the Dodgers played better baseball as that the Dodgers played baseball… at all. The Cubs didn’t seem capable of working up the effort. Derrek Lee (.545), Mark DeRosa (.333), and Ryan Theriot (.273) were the ONLY Cubs batters with a significant number of at-bats who hit above .200. The lowest ERA posted by any of our starters was 4.26 — and we threw that workable number away by making five errors that game. In particular I’d like to thank Alfonso Soriano for batting .071 for the series — exactly one hit. At least he doesn’t cost as much as A-Rod.
October 5th, 2008
Posted by
Darien |
Baseball |
one comment
