And now: A sack of old moaning
Check this asshole out. "Oh oh, I am so outraged that some people make more money than I do! Oh oh, how terribly unfair."
Listen, asshole. Baseball is not pulling a "fraud scheme" by paying its players more than the AP pays assholes to write asshole whine pieces. Before the next time you open your greed hole to complain about how unfair the whole wide world is to you, you might want to reflect on supply and demand and what impact that has on the salaries for top pitchers. Specifically this year, coming off a season in which the two teams you can’t stop bitching about failed to make the playoffs because of a distinct lack of pitching, and with several very good pitchers on the market, the price goes way the shit up. This would be because demand — which in this case means "the number of teams that could benefit by signing CC Sabathia" — is considerably greater than supply — the number of CC Sabathias there are to go around. Sorry if the math on that one’s a bit beyond your ability.
And then what is this shit? After some ignorant whining about how "one out of every 10 U.S. homeowners are either late with their payments or have a house in foreclosure" — which is obviously MLB’s fault, as any fool can plainly see — there’s the shining jewel of all the dipshit comments you make in this entire misinformed rant: "Yet Sabathia will make some $700,000 every time he takes the mound just because he was born with a talented left arm. Burnett will get a half-million for each of his starts just because he can throw a fastball in the mid-90s."
Ooo, Sabathia has more money than you "just because" of an accident of birth? How terribly unfair! And what’s this I hear about Burnett? He makes more money than you just because of the trivial ability to make a ball go nearly a hundred miles per hour without any sort of ball-flinging device? Clearly nobody would pay that much for a useless party trick like that! Obviously this is the work of demons.
Hey dumbfuck, if you honestly think CC Sabathia got where he is "just because he was born with a talented left arm," then you might want to learn a bit about baseball before you write your next baseball article. CC Sabathia has worked his ass off to get where he is. You know what becomes of people with talented left arms who don’t put in the work? They write moronic articles for the AP about how unfair life is. In other words, they become abject failures and useless drains on society. You’re of the opinion, then, that Sabathia has never done anything in his life worth that much money? Well, the people with the money don’t agree with you. And neither do the people with the brains, incidentally; how much did you get paid for this dumb rant? No, don’t tell me, it doesn’t really matter; I’ll just pretend it was ten bucks because I like to exaggerate the value of things. So Sabathia makes seventy thousand times as much money every time he makes a start as you do every time your underwear rides up your ass and you decide to flog the general public with it. You know what the damndest thing about it is, though? Sabathia does at least seventy thousand times as much work as you. In fact, my sources close to the Yankees inform me that it’s much more like ninety thousand. That would be because CC Sabathia is a dedicated, hardworking professional who excels in his field, and you’re a talentless, greedy hack. Desperately unfair, I know.
And what the fuck is this? "What does it say about our country when millions of children don’t have even basic health care and schools don’t have enough teachers, but grown men who play a game for a living make more money in one day than some of us will in our entire lives?" I’ll tell you what it says, MacBitch. It says that our country rules, since we don’t all guilt ourselves out of enjoying our freedom and prosperity. No, we don’t need to avoid ever having fun because some people don’t have as much stuff as we do. And how exactly is it baseball’s responsibility to provide health care for "millions of children" again? Oh, right, it’s not; that’s just one of the straw men that stupid liberals like yourself like to hold up as an example of those horrible giant faceless corporations that are so busy doing what they get paid to do that they forget to spend the investors’ money in unrelated ways that make the people whose money it isn’t feel really good about themselves.
And here we have "The Yankees and Mets scammed taxpayers to build them new stadiums when the old ones were perfectly serviceable." You know what? That’s actually something I agree with, but it’s not a terribly compelling point. Yes, it’s past stupid that taxpayer money was used to construct those stadiums (and most other stadiums nationwide), but I find it hard to fault MLB for that. This would be a bitch with the government that took that money from the people who earned it and then spent it on frivolities — the same government, incidentally, that led to all those mortgage foreclosures you’re so worked up about by forcing banks to extend huge loans to people who couldn’t possibly pay them back. Gotta help the poor, don’t you know! The government is in the business of stealing money from the people who’ve earned it and giving it to other people who claim they deserve it more — maybe instead of bitching at the Yankees and Mets for lining up at the trough, you should direct your energy toward telling the government to knock off the socialist bullshit. Since, tell you a secret, the amount of taxpayer money stolen to build new ballparks in New York pales in comparison to the amount handed out every year in agricultural subsidies. So go jump on that train. Or, you know, under it.
Greed, huh. Man. Fuckin’ greed. If only we could get rid of all these greedy people, what a perfect world this would be! But here’s an insider’s tip, just between you and me: thos greedy people? That’s every single one of us, you dipshit. The Steinbrenners, the Wilpons, CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira, you, Steven Seagal, me, and everybody else. Greed is a fundamental instinct that we all have because we never would have survived as a species without it. Intelligent, mature people recognise that and look for a way to control and channel it into something positive; immature, whining little shits claim that greed is a feature only of the people they don’t like, and demand that those people be castigated for it. We call people like that "liberals." One of their defining features is that they constantly whine about people who have more than they do while at the same time decrying those people for "greed" and downplaying the amount of effort it took to obtain. Oh, I guess you know that, huh.
So I seem to have gone on a bit here. I suppose it’s time to sum up. In conclusion, Tim, fuck you and the high horse you rode in here on. The Yankees sure could use a pitcher like Sabathia, but we’re all better off without hack journos like youself.
