The rest of E3
Okay, fine, I’ll talk about other things too. That other Wii Mario game looks fun, with the four-players and the side scrolling and like the penguin suit and so on. Metroid: Other M looks so entirely unplayably complicated that I’m really keen to find out how it actually controls.
What about the other consoles? Well, there really isn’t much. There’s a new Castlevania coming out on the 360 and PS3 that you’d think I’d be really excited about, but it looks a lot like Curse of Darkness, which was smelly. Sure, it has Patrick Stewart in it, but so did at least one Star Trek movie I didn’t like. So I don’t know if that’s enough. Especially since, if the trailer’s to be believed, you spend more time sitting around under trees crying into your hands about your deep, serious angst than actually fighting fucking monsters.
There are two new Metal Gear Solid games coming out, which I guess finally and completely invalidates Kojima’s claims that Metal Gear Solid 4 would be the last game in the series. Probably they’re both boring and dumb and everyone in the media will shit himself trying to invent new, higher numbers to award them, while simultaneously complaining about them non-stop in the meat of the review. At least one of them is all Raiden, which is not promising.
Final Fantasy XIII still isn’t out yet, and still looks completely awful, but that didn’t stop Square Enix from showcasing Final Fantasy XIV also. That is apparently another MMORPG, thereby lending further credence to the idea that it’s completely batshit stupid for the MMO entries to have main-series numbers. Apparently the designers have been "influenced by World of Warcraft." Hey guys, welcome to 2009, where everybody in the fucking world has been influenced by World of Warcraft on account of its having made more money than all other video games ever made combined.
But the Final Fantasy pain train isn’t over yet. There’s apparently a Wii Final Fantasy coming out, and it looks bad. But, more to the point, it sounds bad, since even the teaser trailer’s voice acting is cringe-inducing. I mean, there’s nothing like bad dialogue delivered badly to curb my enthusiasm for a game that’s going to be 80% dialogue.
You see why I focused on Mario Galaxy 2? It’s pretty bleak otherwise.