Meanwhile, back at the not-about-baseball
I reckon this is pretty goddamn stupid. But it’s lame and nerdy enough that I’m sort of tempted to buy some. If any of my devoted fan base goes for it, make sure you get back to me with the gory details.
Quick followup, part eleven
Ron Darling: "You can’t wipe that grin off of Joe Nathan’s face. Like the Cheshire cat."
The camera then cuts to Joe Nathan, who is not grinning.
Quick followup, part ten
Ron Darling: "Ron Gardenhire chose not to bunt with Span and it cost him with the strikeout."
No it didn’t, numbnuts. Because Orlando Cabrera hit a home run immediately afterward. It did not matter what base that runner was on, because it’s not very hard to score on a home run. And not bunting gave Span an opportunity to be on base also and turn a two-run homer into a three-run homer. Do you see?
Quick followup, part nine
Chip Caray: "They (the Tigers) are an amazing 72-0 when they’re leading after eight innings"
Uh, Chip? That’s not very… I mean, if you’re leading after eight innings, you… oh, just shut up, please.
Quick followup: part eight
Chip Caray: "The Twins have gotten homers in each of their last two at-bats!"
The last two at-bats for the Twinkies at the time Chip said that: Jason Kubel flies out to center, Michael Cuddyer grounds out to pitcher.
So, Chip, I ask you: fuck the heck are you talking about?
Quick followup: part seven
Ron Darling: "And Mauer will be like Dag Hammarskjold at the UN."
What?
Also: Dag Hammarskjold? Who was secretary-general from 1953 until 1961?
Also: what?
Quick followup, part six
Chip Caray: "How does the injury to Jorge De La Rosa affect the Rockies’ chances in the playoffs?"
Ron Darling: "It definitely affects them."
Analysis!
I think this is that "liveblogging" the kids keep talking about.
Quick followup, part five
"In today’s offense-minded world, it’s nice to see that you can get a spot in the lineup playing both sides of the ball: you can hit it, and you can catch it."
The player they’re discussing — Ryan Raburn — is hitting .288 / .352 / .533 / .885, including 2-for-2 so far tonight. Sure, he’s good in the field, too, but this is not your slap-hitting utility infielder. Ryan Raburn is all the Tigers have going for them on offense other than the Drunken Master.
For comparison, Evan Longoria is OPSing .889 this year. But thank God he can catch the ball, too, or they might not put him in the lineup!
Quick followup, part four
"The one thing he (Rick Porcello) cannot afford to do is start walking people."
Also giving up hits is bad. And also he cannot afford to give up home runs. But, yes, also walks.
Update: Rick Porcello allowed a run to score with an errant pickoff throw. So, hey, there’s another thing he cannot afford to do.
Quick followup, part three
Miguel Cabrera’s second plate appearance of the game: two-run homer. Sorry some more, Kevin!
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