The Dord of Darien

And then there’s this asshole

What do you call a quack who works with chiropractors, traffics in homeopathic remedies, and loves socialism? I guess I spoiled it in the title, huh. Well, for those of you who don’t read the titles of these things but still, for whatever reason, read the body: look at the title for the amazing answer!

Yeah, so, screw Choke-Rod and all that; there’s one thing I’d like to bitch about here, though:

"There’s reasons people put legs on it. Obama’s trying to bring in a health care system like ours and the private sector is trying to say it’s a lousy system. It doesn’t look good if the icons of sports are coming up to a Canadian health care system," Galea said.

Yeah, Dr. Dipshit, you’re totally a political prisoner. This is all about those greedy corporations fighting the God-Emperor’s noble attempts to save us all from the terror of not enough government in our lives. Alternative theory: those athletes are going to Canada to get drugs that are banned in the United States. Like that freaky cow blood shit. And the reason you’re in trouble is regular plain-old drug smuggling, for which your courier completely sold your ass up the river. Go peddle your health fraud and crackpot political theories on the roof. In jail.

March 8th, 2010 Posted by Darien | Baseball | no comments

Eee eee! Eee eee!

So I saw some bananas the other day that had a sticker on them that looked, to my eye, an awful lot like Aiai. Turns out it was — apparently Chiquita bananas come bearing Super Monkey Ball stickers these days. Here’s the list of reasons why this made me feel completely gay, in increasing order:

1) I noticed a sticker from across the room and it immediately caught my eye because I thought it looked like a monkey from a video game.
2) Upon finding out that it was a sticker of a monkey from a video game, I was pretty excited and went searching for other monkey stickers (I located Meemee, but nobody else).
3) I kept the sticker and stuck it on my monitor.
4) My first reaction upon seeing this sticker was "why is a Super Monkey Ball sticker on a Chiquita banana, when everybody knows Super Monkey Ball is sponsored by Dole?"
5) I used the power of the internet to learn why Sega has swapped banana brands.

That’s me — super-cool, and keepin’ it real.

March 8th, 2010 Posted by Darien | Bullshit, Games | no comments