The Dord of Darien

Haven’t we been over this already?

It’s like you people aren’t even listening to me.

This was what AL All-Star CC Sabathia had to say when asked about the disintegration of the 2007 Cleveland Indians team that fell a win shy of the World Series:

Sabathia went on to say, "If [ownership] had kept everybody for at least two more years, I think we had a chance of having a really good team."

It’s not necessary to tell us who you’re quoting three times in the same quote, you know. But, anyhow, he’s more or less right. The Indians management did trade away (or not re-sign) most of the core of players that got them (almost) to the 2007 World Series.

Is Sabathia delusional? Or is he merely the latest member of the Yankees to "misremember" something?

What did Sabathia misremember? Everything he said is totally true. Management did not attempt to keep that team together. So… it didn’t stay together. Makes sense, yeah?

I’ll submit that neither is the case. Sabathia, you see, is taking advantage of the opportunity the July 2008 trade that sent him to Milwaukee afforded him to divorce himself from all blame or finger-pointing and to feed off the raw emotions of those who have done little to nothing to understand the Indians’ economic position in an unbalanced marketplace.

Oh, right, it’s the UMBALANCE MARKETPALACE that’s to blame. I keep forgetting that. It’s the same reason the Rays, Twins, White Sox, and Rangers aren’t competitive.

Hey, here’s my impression of every article ever written by every AL blogger: whine whine whine yankees yankees nerf nerf unfair

Sabathia says something insipid like, "It’s on them," because he’ll say anything to avoid looking like the bad guy. And this isn’t the first time.

Oh, for fuck’s sake. He’s not the bad guy, stupidshoes. If I work at a box factory, and I’m a damn good boxmaker, and they pay me $8/hour, and another box factory in a bigger city where there’s more demand for boxes offers me $15/hour to come make boxes for them instead, am I a "bad guy" for accepting that offer? Of course not. Don’t be idiotic.

Throughout the phantom contract negotiation process before the 2008 season, when it was clear the Indians were as likely to get Sabathia to commit to a long-term deal as they were to throw a dome on Progressive Field, CC would say things like, "Hopefully we can get something done." Because that was a lot easier and less publicly damaging than saying, "The Indians have no chance of offering me the kind of money I feel I’m worth."

Don’t you just love when people say dumb shit like this? He singles out an instance of CC not being an asshole — explicitly not being an asshole — and then comes up with a way CC could have been an asshole and chastises him for it. Dude, seriously, he didn’t say that. You said that. If you’re going to call him out for saying asshole things, maybe it’s best if you stick to things he said.

In the winter before the ’08 season, when the Indians offered Sabathia around $18 million a year through 2012 — the largest offer the franchise has ever come up with for a player — he didn’t so much as sleep on it. He knew he was gone, and he broke off negotiations before they even started in Spring Training.

And… he eventually got $23 million/year through 2015, right? So that offer wasn’t really very close, right? I mean, it’s not exactly like they offered him a contract that was fifteen bucks smaller and he thumbed his nose at it.

Also, which you conveniently ignore, the 2008 free agent class was extremely focused on length of contracts, since it was clear to everybody that the sky was falling, economy-wise, and they wanted to get the longest deals they possibly could in anticipation of salaries starting to shrink. Remember how CC wouldn’t sign with the Yankees — not even for $23M/year — until they added a seventh year to his deal? Yeah. Maybe if the Indians were that serious about him they should have gone longer than four years. Come to think of it, a four-year deal for a Cy Young winner in his prime is kind of fucking insulting anyhow.

This is the reality. But now, two and a half years later, CC — which, in this case, stands for Clouded Context — is selling a fantasy. An alternate universe in which those heinous, loveless Indians owners cast him out of the place he loved.

"Clouded Context?" Did you borrow that joke from Skip Bayless? You could aim a little higher, man. Maybe steal from Buster Olney instead. And, frankly, the Indians offered him four years when he wanted seven. So… they kind of made it clear they weren’t that in to him. They just wanted to be friends, and he wanted something more. You dig?

Essentially, Sabathia got lucky. Because 50 years from now, Indians fans won’t remember him as the guy who walked away from the Tribe for the big payday elsewhere. He won’t go down with the likes of Albert Belle, Manny Ramirez and Jim Thome. Rather, he’ll be remembered as the Cy Young winner the Indians stupidly dealt in his prime.

Well, because that’s pretty much the case. The Indians dealt him for Matt LaPorta — who is only okay — and a bunch of junk. The Brewers got a playoff appearance and a sandwich pick (they expected two first-rounders, but the Yankees boned them by signing Teixeira too). And are Indians fans really angry that Albert, Manny, and Thom left the team? Holy shit, Indians fans, grow a pair.

Nevermind, of course, that the Indians were forced to deal Sabathia because he was going to walk away three months later and because he and his teammates crumbled upon the weight of expectations in 2008.

ORMG TEH CRUMBLE!

CC was pretty goddamn good for the Injuns in 2008. Not unstoppable, but pretty goddamn good. ERA+ of 112, WHIP of 1.234, 2.3 WAR (in only half a season). That’s not really crumble-worthy. It’s really pretty similar to what he did in 2006 and 2009 (though not in 2007, when he was the god of the universe). And as for his teammates crumbling, well, I think you mean "the ones he had left." Since the Indians had been shedding their 2007 championship players all through the offseason. CC didn’t start the fire, man.

Nevermind that the primary reason that ’07 team — a "good team" in its own right, having won 96 games in the regular season — didn’t ascend to the World Series like it should have was because Sabathia was outpitched in Games 1 and 5.

Yeah, what kind of worthless chokemaster has two bad starts? In a fucking row? Never mind (which is two words, James) that, without the seven wins Sabathia added to the ’07 Indians during the regular season, they’d have just barely scraped their way into the playoffs in the first place. Also never mind that Sabathia’s Game 5 start was a 6+ IP, 4 ER affair that isn’t exactly nightmarish. Also never mind that co-ace Fausto Carmona also got lit the fuck up in that series, getting tagged for 4 IP and 4 ER his first start, and 2 (!) IP and 7 ER his second start.

If Sabathia were being honest with himself and honest with the fans, he would have said, "This is a business, and it’s difficult for a team in a smaller market like Cleveland to afford to keep its core intact. That’s why it’s a shame we weren’t able to take advantage of the special opportunity we had in ’07. And as the ace of that pitching staff, I take the brunt of the blame."

Or he could be honest and admit that he wasn’t responsible for the Indians shedding all their good players — which, clearly, he wasn’t — and not randomly start getting emo about not winning the World Series in 2007. It turns out that 28 other teams also didn’t win the World Series that year, Susan.

Sabathia was treated very well here. The Indians drafted him, gave him a Major League opportunity on a playoff team when he was just 20 years old, helped mold him into a man off the field, taught him to control his emotions on it and groomed him into a Cy Young winner. Lord knows they fed him well.

Then they offered him a very short contract worth five million dollars per year less than he could get elsewhere. You seem to enjoy leaving that part out. Oh, and, nice fat joke. That’s classy.

That’s what makes CC’s comments above so disappointing. They reek of him being another pampered athlete with no grasp of reality or understanding of accountability.

In the original article, the words "another pampered athlete" link to an article by the same writer. Can you guess who it’s about? Did you guess LeBron James? You were right — it’s more crybaby bullshit about how, I guess, athletes owe him something.

CC understands accountability better than you do, dumbshit. He displays this by not heaping lots of teenage angst on himself for decisions he did not make or materially impact — such as the decision by the Indians to get rid of many players not named Carsten Charles Sabathia — or for outcomes not entirely within his control — such as Fausto Carmona getting lit up twice in the ALCS, and the Indians’ hitters scoring 3 and 1 runs, respectively, in his starts.

And, by opting for a contract that fits his needs on a team that doesn’t look like it’s about to implode, CC shows a much better grasp of reality than sniveling sportswriters who expect that watching the games on TV entitles them to personal handjobs by the players. This is the man’s career, asshole. It is his life and it is his passion. Don’t you think he owes it to himself and to his family and to his friends to do everything he can to get as far as he can? Money aside, CC wasn’t winning a ring in Cleveland. The man’s not dumb — by the All-Star break in 2008, it was obvious to everybody that the team was finished for the foreseeable future. Why should he blow his prime years — and only those years, since the Indians weren’t willing to go longer than four — at below-market rate on a team that can’t provide him with the teammates he needs to be successful?

In my view, the player-fan relationship is pretty simple. You earn our appreciation by giving your best effort on the field. Off the field, by all means, seek out your worth, find a place that you find rewarding on a personal, professional and competitive level. Chase every last dollar for you and your kids and your kids’ kids and your kids’ kids’ kids. It’s your right as a talented athlete in a lucrative game.

No, in your view, the players owe you something, and any player who disappoints you must rend his clothes and don sackcloth and ashes and beg your forgiveness. So you fuck right off with your smarmy turn here at the end. We’re not fooled.

But please, whatever you do and wherever you go, don’t insult our intelligence along the way.

It would not be possible for CC Sabathia to insult your intelligence.

July 14th, 2010 Posted by Darien | Baseball | no comments

Here be dragons

Hey, gang, Dragon Quest 9 is out. Here’s what I’m thinking about, ca. four hours in:

You play as a Celestrian, which is a type of winged asshole. They’re basically angels, except they’re more like what angels would be if angels were self-righteous, whiny, arrogant pricks who look down on other people because of their race. So basically like Torii Hunter. The Celestrians spend their days helping humans out, but only because that’s the only way to get "benevolescence" (which word, regrettably, I am not making up), which they need to gather a bunch of so they can finally stop helping humans and spend the rest of their days in indolence and frivolity. Their nights they mainly spend complaining about how much it sucks that they have to do things to get their reward. So, really, they’re like the celestial version of organised labour; My name is Union, for we are lazy.

Naturally, since the game’s more than forty minutes long, there’s a big crisis, which causes me to reflect on the many ways in which Dragon Warrior 7 was different from every other RPG ever. That game didn’t actually open with a big crisis spoiling the foolproof plans of the hero’s buddies (notably unlike Dragon Warriors 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 9, along with Final Fantasy Everything) and triggering the hero to go on a grand quest to right the wrongsness.

The game uses the same translations for monster names and whatnot as were used in DQ8; this is too bad, since they suck. The old ones were better. "Fireball" was a better spell name than "Frizz," and that’s all there is to it. Especially annoying is that, since "Frizz" sounds not unlike "Freeze," I can never remember if it’s ice magic or fire magic, which sometimes matters. Oh, and, also? "Bubble slime" my aching ass. It’s a goddamn Babble. Get down with that, Square Enix.

It’s so nice being able to see the gear actually reflected on the models. That’s a constant letdown in DQ8; I’d get some awesome new piece of harmour, and the icon would look crazy butch, and I’d put it on and… oh, right. Still in the big yellow Firefly trench coat, huh. Now all I need is to get some gear that doesn’t look like ass, but I suppose that’s what the earlygame is all about.

We seem to be pushing the DS about as hard as it goes, here; there’s noticeable stutter and slowdown at various points. This seems odd to me, since, really, you can’t exactly see all that processing up on the screen. Don’t get me wrong, now; the game looks fine, but it doesn’t look any more fine than many other DS games that don’t stutter. So who knows what that’s all about.

There are emotes, which is wild. You bind them to the B button. It’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect if you’ve played World of Warcraft — the same emotes, basically. I guess they’re mainly there so you can harass other people in multiplayer, though they are occasionally useful in the game itself.

Hey, you can see the mobs on the map before you go into combat! I think that qualifies Dragon Quest 9 to be the ninth best game of the decade. Unlike Earthbound, however, there doesn’t appear to be any value in approaching the mobs a certain way; you can’t sneak up behind them to get a first strike or anything. And, unlike Lufia 2, there’s no suite of commands you can use to interact with and manipulate the mobs. They’re just there, on the map, where you can see them. It’s nice, though, since they do react to player power, and will start running away from you when you’re much higher-level, so you can travel around lower-level zones and not have to deal with fighting endless trash mobs.

Character generation is pretty fun — you get about eight customisation screens, and lots of choices as to which Dragon Ball Z character you want to look exactly the same as. Sadly, Majin Buu does not appear to be an option.

The class system appears to be very much like the one in DW7, with the skill system from DQ8 grafted on to the top of it. Which is really too bad, since the skills were one of the weakest parts of DQ8. At least this time the game deigns to tell you how many points you need to put into a skill to unlock the actual abilities, and which abilities you’ll be unlocking. On the dim side, it just tells you the names and not what they goddamn do. But still. It’s a start.

And it probably doesn’t matter anyhow, since, as far as I can tell, they’re pretty horrible. I have this skill called… something. I can’t remember; it’s some dippy pun or other. But I can use the thing, spend four magic points, and then attack and defend at the same time! Which is great, I guess, except that I can cast Heal for two magic points, and it heals way more damage than defending would prevent. So I guess I don’t see the purpose for this skill. Maybe it’s useful in the late-game, but it’s three points into the tree. Skills that early should be useful early. And, ideally, not compete for the exact same resource I’m using to heal.

The game is kind enough to grace you with the most annoying NPC companion in recent memory in Stella, the fairy. She looks annoying, says annoying things, does annoying things. She even has annoying background music that plays when she’s around. I wanted to smash her. With my boots.

Thanks to the (comparatively) limited space on a DS game card — or perhaps to the timely intervention by the benevolent hand of God — there is no voice acting. Dragon Quest 8 had perhaps the worst voice acting of any video game ever in all of history; it wasn’t just incompetently done, like in Baten Kaitos — it was designed deliberately to be as awful as possible. Every character had some outrageous accent or other, and they were hammed up well beyond the point of acceptability. Sometimes the characters in DQ9 have accented screen text, which makes me love even more that there are no voices.

July 14th, 2010 Posted by Darien | Games | no comments