The Dord of Darien

Musings from the Mayor of the Internet

Did the radio tell me that?

Very good career hitter against left-handed pitching is Marlon Byrd.

I forgive the Yoda-like phrasing, since I dig that when it’s extemporaneous you sometimes just babble. I don’t forgive the stupidity.

Marlon Byrd, career against RHP: .281 / .340 / .412
Marlon Byrd, career against LHP: .288 / .343 / .451

The difference: .007 / .003 / .039

The correct thing to say is: very small career platoon split has Marlon Byrd. Since, honestly, he hits LHP just the same as he hits RHP.

May 20th, 2011 Posted by | Baseball | no comments

Let’s be wrong for a minute

"Jose Bautista ain’t gonna hit 54 home runs again this year, and without that, Toronto has no hitting."

"Bautista is OPSing about 150 points over his career average… there’s no way [he’s] going to keep it up."

Jose Bautista, 2011 year-to-date: .360 / .509 / .816 / 1.325, 269 OPS+, 102 TB, 16 HR, 37 BB. Leads MLB in every single one of those categories.

The moron who wrote those quotes at the top of the piece is, of course, me. I think that’s about as wrong as I’ve ever been about anything. But you can understand my mistake, right?

Jose Bautista, 2004-2009: .238 / .329 / .400 / .729, 91 OPS+, 59 HR, 0.3 WAR

Jose Bautista, 2010-2011: .278 / .403 / .653 / 1.056, 185 OPS+, 70 HR, 9.8 WAR (!)

Seriously? Fuck the heck, Jose? How can you even do that? Also: how can you be worth 4.1 WAR in only 163 PA? At this rate — and paces are 100% a real thing that can be counted on, mind you — Jose Bautista will be worth like 16 WAR this year. Which will be seventh-best all-time, trailing only a bunch of nineteenth-century pitchers who threw like 700 innings.

May 20th, 2011 Posted by | Baseball | one comment

Take me away, Hale-Bopp

So I guess you’ve heard: tomorrow’s the day. All of us Real True Christians are going to be taken up into Heaven — without dying, mind you — and all the rest of you fucking heathens will be left behind to get to Heaven (or wherever) the regular way. As in, by dying. Suckers.

Personally, I’m not convinced about this whole "Rapture" deal. It seems pretty clear to me that the world still has three weeks left before we all head to the big Game Over in the sky. But I’m not taking any chances; my affairs are in order, I’ve made my Rapture survival kit for the benefit of my less-belovéd-by-God relatives, and — perhaps most importantly — I have not preordered Duke Nukem Forever until I’ve made sure this isn’t all part of some joke George Broussard and the Lord thought up one day over beers.

In case of Rapture, break glass

If you think I don’t post often enough now, wait until you see what happens after I get Raptured.

May 20th, 2011 Posted by | Bullshit, Games | no comments