A-rod and clutch: perhaps another reason?
Sports Illustrated posits a different theory:
"Lost amid the excitement over Rodriguez’s game-tying home run against the Twins in Game 2 of the ALDS is that we finally have a blonde celebrity in the stands who isn’t a curse but a good-luck charm. Ever since A-Rod has been with Hudson, he and the Yankees have been on a roll. And A-Rod finally became something no one ever thought he could be — a clutch hitter in October."
Well, since curses are real, and good luck charms are real, and there’s a well-documented scientifically-proven causal link between having sex with certain pop stars and gaining the favour of ancient Egyptian gods, and also since A-rod has never hit well in October (except in 1997, and 2000, and 2004, and 2007, but those don’t count because of zombies and voodoo), and also since nobody — including me — ever thought A-Rod’s lack of postseason success was because of the effects of a small sample size skewing the data, and since chapter 1-2 in this book certainly is not devoted entirely to proving that the existence of "clutch" hitting as a repeatable phenomenon is at best highly speculative and poorly supported by the data, and especially because absolutely nobody has been talking about how "clutch" A-Rod was in this year’s LDS or mentioning Kate Hudson in any way, well… you’re right, Sports Illustrated. Thank God for your excellent sports coverage.
In other news, sources report that Yorvit Torrealba’s wife, Milangela, always wears a special bracelet before playoff games against the Phillies. She never wears it any other time, preferring to keep it locked inside the 5000-year-old ancient Egyptian ceremonial box that it was in when it was found inside the sealed tomb of an ancient pharaoh. "Small sample size?" she allegedly responded when asked about this (maybe to a translator, but who really knows?), "I doubt it. I think more likely it’s the magical powers of the great pharaoh Hor-Aha, blessed be his name." When asked why she didn’t wear the bracelet before other games, Milangela became alarmed and quickly ended the interview, announcing that she had to "go to the dentist, which, by the way, mummies would completely hate, so don’t bother following me, you fucking mummies."
