Titles of the insipid awfulness
Thinking about the mysterious upcoming Dragon Quest 10, I find myself wondering what awful, hackneyed subtitle the dipshits who translate it will tack on. Here are the four they’ve done so far:
Dragon Quest 4: Chapters of the Chosen
Dragon Quest 5: Hand of the Heavenly Bride
Dragon Quest 8: Journey of the Cursed King
Dragon Quest 9: Sentinels of the Starry Sky
Guys, I think I’ve solved their top secret title code. It goes like this:
(noun) of the (adjective) (noun)
Shit yeah Mad Libs. If I were in charge — and you know I am — here’s how it would work:
Dragon Quest: Battles of the Utmost Simplicity
Dragon Quest 2: Mirror of the Dog Princess
Dragon Quest 3: Cheat of the Valuable Soldiers
Dragon Quest 4: Grind of the Grindy Grindfest
Dragon Quest 5: Hours of the Endless Tedium
Dragon Quest 6: Mobs of the Significant Overpoweredness
Dragon Quest 7: Intro of the Inescapable Stupidity
Dragon Quest 8: Acting of the Trained Baboons
Dragon Quest 9: Dialogue of the Infinite Puns
And just for fun:
Final Fantasy: Ripoff of the Monster Manual
Final Fantasy 2: Torment of the Broken System
Final Fantasy 3: Game of the Unplayed Mystery
Final Fantasy 4: Angst of the Emo Paladin
Final Fantasy 5: Terror of the Angry Tree
Final Fantasy 6: Backdrop of the Ridiculous Opera
Final Fantasy 7: Models of the Insufficient Polygons
Final Fantasy 8: Thief of the Darien’s $50
Final Fantasy 9: Diarrhoea of the Redeemable Villains
Final Fantasy 10: Legend of the Dodgeball Knight
Final Fantasy 11: MMO of the Considerable Inferiority
Final Fantasy 12: Circles of the Meter Dance
Final Fantasy 13: Hair of the Racist Chocobo
Final Fantasy 14: Overhaul of the Same MMO
Special bonus prize that didn’t fit the format, but that I liked too much to ignore:
Final Fantasy 4: The Old Man Gets Wasted and the Kids Get Stoned
