The best amateur band poster of all time
Check out this band poster I found at work today:
(Click for a larger version)
Has there ever been a more perfect name for a teenage metal band than "Flaming Dragons of Middle Earth?" I don’t think there has. I mean, it’s so perfect a name that I’m willing to bet money that they’re a teenage metal band and I quite literally don’t know anything about them other than what’s on this poster. Though, hey kids, "Mudfest" isn’t a very good name for a metal band’s revue. That almost makes it sound like you’re a punk band, or something even lamer than punk, like grunge. And besides, why would you call it "Mudfest" when your name lends itself so well to much metal-er names like "Dragonfest," or "Bonefest," or maybe even "The One Concert."
Maybe they’re just being kind since it appears their other bands aren’t metal enough for a concert like that. "We Are The Seahorse" and "Radioactive Prostitute" are extremely teenage names, but are not very metal; if I had to guess, I’d say they’re probably They Might Be Giants or Dinosaur Jr.-like indie nerd pop. O.F.C. and Bank$hot are probably thugs 4 life, and, bearing in mind that this is Turerns Turners Falls, they’re almost definitely middle-class white teenage thugs 4 life, keepin’ it mad real, yo. Zebu is far too bland a name for me to have any idea about, so I’m going to take a wild guess and say they sound like a bunch of kids ripping off Oasis ripping off the Steve Miller Band. And that’s terrible.
I cannot tell you what all the clip doodle art is supposed to be. I can recognise the Anarchy symbol, and no doubt they’re using "In God We Trust" in a wicked pissah bitchin’ ironic fashion to indicate how much they, like, totally don’t trust in that fucking rat. The peace sign they’re using by rote because it’s Western Massachusetts and you get fined if you don’t oppose everything the Bush administration does and especially the war a certain number of times per day. I don’t know why there’s a smiley and a frowny right next to each other — perhaps they’re supposed to evoke drama masks. Everything else is completely inexplicable to me — perhaps the grid-with-a-circle-with-a-plus-in-the-middle-in-the-middle is the universal sign of Middle-Earth. I don’t really know.
I do have to say that if there’s anything more bitchin’ than a metal show that ends at 9 p.m., I don’t know what it is. And with the charge of three dollars or maybe five dollars, that just screams "yeah, the show was gonna ROCK N ROLL ALL NITE, but my dickhead dad says I need to be home by ten. And Bobby only has three dollars, but we’re hoping everybody else would pay us more. Hey, does the dollar sign go before or after the number? Who cares; this isn’t math class."
It’s also entirely possible that “In God We Trust” is another band that got added to to the bill late, and so they had to be sort of shoehorned in on the top.
Comment by Dave | 20 October 2008
It also suddenly occurred to me that the circle with the cross-hatches next to “Bank$hot” is probably supposed to be a basketball. And that the name Bank$hot is actually an almost clever combination of the two things white rappers think is most important about hip-hop culture: Basketball and bling!
Comment by Dave | 22 October 2008
Oh, good call. And probably also guns!
Comment by Darien | 22 October 2008
I’d just like to mention, which may amuse people, that the cropping errors in the image are not mine. The original poster was cropped like that.
Comment by Darien | 23 October 2008