The old men of New York
I love this. The Mets and the Yankees are the best teams ever when it comes to making sure they’re loaded with expensive old talent. I mean, sure, the White Sox and Tigers pretend to the throne (with a special nod to Detroit for managing to finish not only behind a Cleveland team that had long ago thrown in the towel, but also Kansas City — seriously, Tigers, all that money you spent, and you lost to a tee-ball club, a team that very obviously quit in July, Ozzie Guillen’s all-stars of the eighties reunion tour, and a Minnesota squad that I think only had five players), but only in New York do you see the truly massive free agent spending sprees. The Yankees need starting pitching? Okay! Hire all the free-agent starters! The Mets need a closer? Why not sign two? Then those games’ll get the shit closed out of ’em!
The Yankees are better at it than the Mets, though. The Mets always seem like they’re trying really hard to be the Yankees but can’t quite figure out how; the Yankees need a pitcher, so they sign the very best pitcher on the market, money-is-no-object thank-you-very-much-ma’am, and then make sure they get the second-best pitcher also (and spark rumours that they’re in on the third). The Mets need a closer, so they sign the most expensive closer that they can find, and then they say "hey, the Yankees don’t stop at one" and sign a second closer also. Though it makes sense, since they were so embarassed about their number of blown saves last season, that they’d sign J.J. Putz, who hardly ever… oh, he did? Blew 40% of his save opportunities? Damn, Omar, what was the thinking there?
The Yankees dole out big contracts to elite pitchers like CC Sabathia, headlining sluggers like Alex Rodriguez, and Japanese imports like Hideki Matsui. The Mets respond in kind, giving huge amounts of money to Carlos Beltran, who was really good in Houston for about one month and has been totally average before and since, so he can hit .284 with 27 HR. They decide they need a Matsui of their own, so they import Kazuo Matsui, who bombs so badly they ship him off as soon as possible, only to see him head to the World Series immediately after they cut ties. Then they decide they need a star pitcher and dump a tremendous amount of cash on the ghost of Pedro Martinez, since apparently they fell asleep and forgot it wasn’t still the nineties.
I cannot tell a lie; I love this shit. The Mets are hilarious.
Though equally hilarious is how division rival Philadelphia just gave a starting pitcher a contract well and truly through his forty-eighth birthday. Yeow! If Jamie Moyer eventually breaks Nolan Ryan’s strikeout record, they’re going to have to add an asterisk to that indicating that he did it by playing for seven hundred years.
Putz won’t blow any saves this year because in theory he’ll be working only the 8th inning. See, the Mets bought two closers and turned one of them into a setup guy, because what better way to make sure you get a great bullpen than to stock it exclusively with closers?
So the only thing Putz will blow are his nose, and the made-up stat called “hold”. I predict he will blow both with great frequency.
And yeah, I think it’s completely hilarious how the Mets always try to out-Yankees the Yankees, and always blow it in some hilarious fashion. The best was when they “won” the Carlos Beltran lottery. I knew when that guy lit it up in the post season that one year with Houston, he was going to get a big payday in New York the next year. The hilarious part was that the Mets were the one who gave it to him.
And hey, if the Phillies are in the market for old pitchers, I hear David Wells still needs a job. It’s either that, or he goes to the Yankees, who appear to have a 300 pound pitcher fetish going these days.
Comment by Dave | 19 December 2008
There’s no such thing as a "blown hold" — if you ruin a hold, it’s a blown save, same as it would be in the ninth.
And, hey, the you should send the Phillies an e-mail about David Wells. They’ll be keen. They’ll probably start courting Nolan Ryan any minute now!
Am I the only one who finds it hard to believe that they haven’t snapped up Randy Johnson yet?
Comment by Darien | 20 December 2008
Hey, you’re right. I can never keep those made-up stats straight. Did you know the “blown save” isn’t an official stat either?
I think instead of a loss, they should call it a “blown win”. Then Barry Zito could feel slightly better about his record of 10 Wins and 17 Blown Wins this past year. That might also make the Giants feel better about their $126 million Blown Dollars.
Comment by Dave | 20 December 2008