The Dord of Darien

Pasta

Dried pasta is so cheap and so ubiquitous that a great many people aren’t aware that there can be more to pasta than that. Now, I know what you’re thinking: what’s with this asshole? Even Barilla isn’t good enough for him? Fuck you, man. Fuck you. But slow down there, hoss! I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with dried pasta. It’s a perfectly good food item, but, let’s face it, not much of a dish in and of itself. Without a sauce on it, there’s not much to it. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s more of a sauce-to-face communication medium than an actual food in and of itself. Pasta can be more than that, though, and everybody should make some now and again. Don’t worry; it’s not painful.

The primary ingredients are flour, water, and olive oil. Don’t skimp and use a crap oil here; you don’t need a whole lot, and you won’t get high-quality output from low-quality ingredients. The traditional method is to mound the flour up in a heap, dig a little “well” in the centre, and then add water into the well and slowly work it through. Me, I like to use a bowl instead. So dump in your flour, a rougly equal volume of water, and a tablespoon or so of oil, plus whatever herbs and spices you favour, and a bit of salt. Mix it thoroughly – get your hands dirty here, it’s a pain in the ass with a spoon. The goal is for it to come out somewhat firm and elastic, but still pliable. If it’s crumbly, you need to add more water; if it’s sticky, you need more flour. Once you get the mix right, cover it with a wet towel and go away for a half-hour so the pasta gnomes can work their Dark Sorcery upon it.

When the gnomes are finished, you’re going to want to flatten the dough out into a sheet. You want it a lot flatter than you think, since it’s going to puff up when you cook it. If you own a pasta mill, this is about where that gets involved, but, then, if you own a pasta mill, you already know all this and you’re just reading so you can heckle me later, so fat chance I help you any. Once your dough is all flat and smooth, you cut it into whatever shape or shapes you desire. One key factor to keep in mind here is that, even though the pasta doesn’t stick to you at this point, it’ll still stick to itself. In fact, it will stick to itself quite aggressively. I suggest waxed paper and flour to combat this. Just don’t let two pieces of dough come into contact with each other if you don’t want them to assimilate each other into the Dough Borg.

Cooking the pasta is a simple matter, and basically the same as cooking dried pasta, with the exception of the time. You’ll only cook fresh pasta for about two minutes (assuming you haven’t made something peculiar), and then it’s done. It won’t have the same colour or texture as the dried kind, but it should be firm enough to hold itself together. Once your pasta is cooked, you can sauce it anyway you like. Alternatively, you may find fresh pasta delicious with only a bit of oil. Try it lots of different ways, and don’t hesitate to experiment; if you do something wrong, hey, Escoffier is not looking. It’s okay.

September 25th, 2007 Posted by Darien | Food, Recipes | 3 comments